Struggling to Speak Up in Your Relationships?

Discover the Power of Healthy Entitlement

Have you ever found yourself feeling like you don’t deserve to ask for more in your relationships? Maybe you worry that if you speak up, you’ll seem selfish or demanding. I get it. It’s hard to shake off those feelings, especially when you’ve spent so much time putting others first. But here’s the thing: having a healthy sense of entitlement isn’t about being selfish—it’s about knowing your worth and standing up for it.

Why a Healthy Sense of Entitlement Matters

When you truly believe you deserve respect and fair treatment, you protect yourself from being taken for granted or undervalued. You start to notice when something doesn’t feel right—when your needs are being sidelined, or your efforts aren’t appreciated. This awareness is powerful. It allows you to speak up, set boundaries, and ensure that your needs are being met. Without this healthy sense of entitlement, it’s easy to fall into what I call a “closed relationship system,” where you struggle to accept love, your efforts go unnoticed, and you start to feel invisible.

Having a healthy sense of entitlement is crucial for fostering self-worth and mutual respect in relationships. It’s about understanding that you deserve to be treated with the same kindness and respect that you offer to others. When you know this, you’re more likely to set boundaries and advocate for yourself, creating more balanced and fulfilling relationships. In an “open relationship system,” both people feel valued, respected, and understood. That’s what we’re aiming for.

What Happens When You Feel Undeserving?

But what happens when you don’t feel this way? When deep down, you believe you don’t deserve to ask for what you need? Often, these feelings stem from a fear of not being enough—of being unlovable or fundamentally flawed. And when you feel this way, it’s easy to avoid asserting your needs, fearing that doing so will only confirm your worst fears. You might think, “If I just keep giving, maybe they’ll see my value.” This mindset can trap you in a cycle of feeling unworthy and overlooked, keeping you stuck in a closed relationship system.

Signs You Might Be Lacking a Healthy Sense of Entitlement

If you’re feeling drained or overwhelmed in your relationships, it could be because you’re lacking this sense of healthy entitlement. Here are some signs to look out for:

• Undervaluing Yourself: You might feel like you’re not worthy of love, respect, or care, so you put up with mistreatment or neglect your own needs. It’s hard to set boundaries when you’re afraid of coming across as “too much.”
• Hesitating to Speak Up: Maybe you’re reluctant to ask for what you need or want because you don’t think you deserve it. Over time, this can lead to feeling resentful or stuck because your needs aren’t being met.
• Difficulty Accepting Praise: If someone compliments you, do you feel uncomfortable or dismiss it? This could be because deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of praise, which can lead to an imbalance in your relationships.
• Over-Accommodating Others: You might find yourself constantly putting others first, believing their needs are more important. This can lead to burnout and feeling unappreciated, creating tension in relationships.
• Fear of Asking for Help: You avoid asking for support because you feel like you’re burdening others. This can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported when you need help the most.

How to Build a Healthy Sense of Entitlement

Building a healthy sense of entitlement starts with recognizing your worth. It’s about challenging those old stories that tell you you’re not enough. You deserve to have your needs met just as much as anyone else. Here are some steps to help you build that sense of healthy entitlement:

1. Recognize Your Worth: Start by reminding yourself daily that your needs and feelings are important. You deserve love, respect, and support.
2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt: It’s okay to say “no.” Setting boundaries is about respecting yourself and ensuring you’re not overextending yourself.
3. Speak Up for Your Needs: Don’t be afraid to express what you need or want, whether it’s in your personal life or at work. Your voice matters.
4. Challenge Negative Beliefs: When you catch yourself thinking you don’t deserve something, take a moment to challenge that thought. Replace it with a more positive belief about your worth.
5. Build Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and support your growth. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding.
6. Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Everyone has moments of doubt, but it’s important to treat yourself with kindness and care, just like you would a friend.

You Deserve More—Let’s Make it Happen

Remember, building a healthy sense of entitlement isn’t about demanding more than you deserve—it’s about understanding that you deserve to be treated with the same respect and kindness you give to others. You are worthy of love, respect, and support. So, let’s start this journey together, step by step. You’ve got this! And I’m here cheering you on every step of the way. 🌟

Want to get started on building healthy entitlement?  Pick up your copy of Become Who You Are Meant to Be in Relationships on October 15th, 2024. 

Anne Dranitsaris, Ph.D.

Psychotherapist, Author, Leadership Coach

www.dranitsaris-hilliard.com

Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, or questions.

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