Episode #39: Dysfunction of Codependent Relationships
Would you consider yourself codependent? When asked that question, some people will say yes, and others will say, no, but I think my partner is. Most of the time we equate Codependency with a clingy, needy person who takes a lot of abuse from their partner, boss, children, and friends. We may think of Codependency as the peacekeeper in relationships, putting needs aside and taking care of others or of someone who constantly blabbers or complains about their partner and never talks about themselves or their own needs. Even worse, people like that never accept advice.
As they say, it takes two to tango and if two people form a relationship with one being a dominant and one a submissive person, as with most role-driven patriarchal, traditional marriages, both people are codependent. As a general needs a soldier to boss around and a caretaker needs a patient to care for, both are meeting psychological survival needs.
In today’s episode, we explore the Dysfunction of Codependent Relationships, talk about multiple myths surrounding this Dysfunction (did you know it is not a mental illness?), uncovering less talked about realities that can empower anyone hiding out behind the shield of Codependency. We’ll also recount numerous stories (our own and of our clients’) and share tips and tricks for developing from Codependency that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don’t miss out on the gems we share this week!
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IN THIS EPISODE:
- [01:33] Episode Introduction and Overview
- [02:25] What Codependency Is and What It Is Not
- [07:45] Codependency and the Archetypes of Survival
- [21:36] Myths and Realities of Codependency
- [33:06] Episode Gem
- [35:36] Episode Wrap Up
- Codependency and codependent relationships are surrounded by myths. The most important to note is that Codependency is a developmental delay of childhood and NOT a mental illness although people tend to approach it as though it is. As a result, they think they have to recover from it instead of developing through it.
- The Codependent Developmental Stage happens from puberty to our early 20s. This is a time when we can survive physically on our own, but our brain and relationship development apparatus still require another decade before it moves to the Adult Stage of Development. If our development is thwarted during this time, this is the relationship pattern we are left with to form our adult relationships with.
- Codependency is a self-protective coping strategy with two people operating from survival needs. One needs attention and constant support to survive, and the other needs to give attention and support to survive. They are equally dysfunctional although we mostly see the codependent person as the one who is the victim of someone whose self-protective style is to dominate.
- Do you feel like the folks in your personal or work life are stuck in the Codependency Stage of development? Listen to the full episode to learn how to develop from it and make the shift from living from our Self-protective Personas.
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