Episode #43: Tips for Dismantling the Caretaking Codependent Dysfunction
“I don’t know what my family would do without me. I cook, clean, organize and make sure everyone gets out of the house on time. I find interesting articles that I know each of my kids and partner needs to read because if I didn’t, why they wouldn’t have a clue about themselves, how to behave, or what’s going on in the world. The other day, I had to remind my son who is 25 years old to take the lunch I made him to work. I was late for my first client and tried to make it up to them by giving them longer than they were scheduled for, which I hope they appreciated because they never said anything.”
This is a typical morning in the life of a Caretaking Codependent. Not a thought about themselves, only about what others need and how they go out of their way to make sure no one suffers any consequences but them. They offer advice to others whether it is asked for or not and are upset when others don’t take it. They form relationships and friendships with people who are struggling in some way, taking the more dominant position. They become anxious should others show independence from them. Sad, but true, these people run themselves into the ground never receiving the appreciation their efforts warrant.
In today’s episode, we will recount many stories (our own and of our clients) and share tips and tricks for dismantling the Caretaking Dysfunction used in codependent relationships that you can start implementing today. Tune in to make sure you don’t miss out on the gems we share this week!
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IN THIS EPISODE:
- [01:46] Episode Introduction and Overview
- [02:44] What Is the Caretaking Codependent Dysfunction?
- [07:03] Behaviors of the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
- [21:02] Tips for Dismantling the Caretaking Codependent Strategy
- [31:32] Episode Gem
- [33:01] Episode Wrap Up
- Caretaking means that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself, your money, time, and energy. While It’s normal and natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, codependents have their own agenda for helping over and above the needs of others. They need to be needed. In fact, they might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help or goes to someone else for advice.
- Caretaking Codependents use a variety of tactics to ensure they others depend on them. They are social leaders who makes sure everyone eats, dresses, and keeps their room the way they want them to, because they do everything for them. It meets their need to have everyone conform and to have everyone connected, even if they have to do all the work themselves.
- The biggest resistance you will face when dismantling this dysfunction is the feeling you are abandoning others. But it’s you that decided others couldn’t make it without your help and it makes you anxious to see if it was actually true. If you don’t stop caretaking, you won’t find out that you were wrong, and that you must look at the fears and underlying anxieties that have caused you to needlessly prioritize others.
- If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Caretaking Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.