Episode #51: Tips for Dismantling the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction

It gets REALLY tiresome being around people who act like they have everything together and are above our normal, everyday human struggles, doesn’t it? They do this even when everyone else is letting it all hang out and being vulnerable. These same people can’t seem to stop with the insights the profound comments and try to enlighten everyone rather than just being human with them. Dear readers and listeners, we introduce you to the Compromising Codependents!

Compromisers adopt a detached approach with people, sometimes treating others as though they were specimens to be inspected and critiqued. This type of scrutinizing makes them seem arrogant and haughty. And while this is a submissive codependent approach to relationships, it really does make them seem like they are above others or more dominant. Their desire to figure people out so they can serve their development needs is often misinterpreted.

In reality, Compromisers prefer their Utopian inner worlds (we call it Utopian Palace) because they can’t bear being human and deal with the mundane realities of life. Their sense of being above all the messy, distressing aspects of being human and in relationships cause them to live in lonely isolation, not knowing how to bridge the gap between how they see people and themselves and reality.

In today’s episode, we finish our series of the 8 Codependent Strategies used in relationships, deep diving into the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction. We talk about how it manifests in relationships and reveal that it is actually a survival coping strategy used by certain personality types because they got stuck in their development. We’ll also recount many stories and share tips and tricks for dismantling this dysfunction. You might recognize yourself, your partner, or your boss in this session, so make sure you listen!

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  • [02:52] Episode Introduction and Overview
  • [03:26] What Is the Compromising Codependent Dysfunction?
  • [13:19] Behaviors of the Strategy
  • [27:04] Tips for Dismantling the Strategy
  • [39:33] Episode Gem
  • [41:20] Episode Wrap Up



  • The power dynamic with the Compromiser is that they figure out what someone else needs to be happy and then put their needs ahead of their own, becoming what others want them to be. Those using this strategy project their power onto others, abandoning their own agenda because they believe others’ goals, objectives or ideas are better or more worthy of their time.
  • Compromisers fear they will lose something if they don’t side with, placate, or give in to the desires of others. So, on the one hand, they are perceived as arrogant and superior, while on the other hand, they see themselves as soft, weak, and malleable.
  • Compromising Codependents find it difficult when they have to share their emotions or reveal too much personal information about themselves. They can find it challenging and exhausting to be with a partner or friend who wants them to open up and share intimate details about their emotional life when they might not be in touch with them.
  • If you are struggling in relationships because you or others are using the Compromising Dysfunctional Codependent Strategy, you are not alone. Contact us for more information on how we can help.



"Deciding to compensate for poor performance instead of managing it is an act of self- disempowerment."
episode 18 quote tile 2 - "When acting from the Victim Leadership Persona, our power and sense of personal agency is taken away by seeing situations through a  lens of helplessness."
episode 18 quote tile 2 - "When acting from the Victim Leadership Persona, our power and sense of personal agency is taken away by seeing situations through a  lens of helplessness."
episode 18 quote tile 3 - "Self-disempowerment starts from within. Leaders need to recognize when they are keeping their self-esteem low."

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