How Unconscious Shaming by Leaders Undermines Accountability

Effective leadership revolves around trust, respect, and open communication. Yet, a hidden challenge often overlooked is how leaders, without realizing, can inadvertently shame or demean their employees. Unconscious shaming occurs when leaders unintentionally shame or demean employees through their words or actions. These behaviors often stem from biases, unexamined assumptions, or a lack of awareness about the impact of their behavior on others. Examples include public criticism, dismissive language, or making sarcastic comments without recognizing the harm they cause.

Think about a leader who, during a meeting, makes a sarcastic remark about an employee’s report. The employee feels humiliated in front of their peers and upset by the incident, decides to take unexpected time off. This results in the leader having to shoulder the work. Similarly, imagine another leader who consistently downplays her team’s feedback with phrases like, “That’s not important right now.” Over time, this dismisses the team’s efforts, and they begin to feel that their contributions don’t matter. Soon, they stop offering suggestions altogether, which negatively impacts team innovation and open discussion. As you can see, most employees on the receiving end of shaming behavior don’t say anything because they are too embarrassed. This means that leaders don’t get the feedback the need to change their behavior.

Impact of Unconscious Shaming

When employees find themselves on the receiving end of shaming behavior, many opt to remain silent. This silence often stems from feelings of embarrassment and the natural human instinct to avoid further discomfort or conflict. For some, the workplace can already be a daunting environment, and experiencing shame only intensifies this. They might fear that speaking up would draw even more negative attention to themselves, or worse, that it might jeopardize their position or standing within the company.

Unfortunately, this lack of feedback can be detrimental to leaders. Without being made aware of their hurtful actions or comments, leaders remain in the dark about the negative impacts of their behavior. Effective leadership relies on a mutual understanding and respect between leaders and their teams. But when leaders continue to inadvertently shame their employees without realizing the harm they’re causing, it creates a gap in this mutual understanding. Leaders might believe they are being effective and motivational, while in reality, they’re causing harm and reducing morale.

Furthermore, when employees don’t speak up, it perpetuates a cycle of negative behavior. If leaders continue with their actions unchecked, it’s not just one or two employees that suffer; the entire team’s dynamics can be affected. This can lead to a toxic work environment where employees feel undervalued, unheard, and demotivated. The cumulative effect can be a decline in accountability, productivity, increased turnover, and a generally unhappy workforce.

Becoming a Self-Aware Leader

Cultivating self-awareness is paramount for leaders to effectively address unconscious biases and behaviors. This entails a dedicated effort in introspection, reaching out to colleagues for honest feedback, and constantly evaluating one’s own reactions and interactions with employees. Such self-awareness allows leaders to recognize areas where they might unintentionally demean or belittle their team members.

Promoting empathy is another crucial strategy. True leadership involves a deep understanding of the feelings and perspectives of employees. When leaders make a genuine effort to put themselves in their employees’ shoes, they are less likely to engage in behaviors that inadvertently shame or diminish others. This understanding, grounded in empathy, leads to more considerate and effective leadership.

Feedback plays a central role in personal and professional growth, and leaders should champion a culture of constructive feedback. However, delivering feedback requires care—it should be rooted in empathy and respect. By focusing on specific behaviors or outcomes and steering clear of personal traits, feedback becomes a vehicle for genuine improvement and growth, fostering a culture of accountability within the organization.

Creating a psychologically safe environment is essential for open communication and overall organizational health. Leaders need to establish spaces where employees can freely share ideas, voice concerns, or even admit mistakes without the looming fear of humiliation or retribution. Such an environment not only nurtures innovation but also strengthens team cohesion and trust.

Offering training on unconscious bias can be transformative. Organizations should invest in workshops and training sessions designed to help leaders identify and rectify unconscious biases. With the right tools and strategies gleaned from these sessions, leaders can be better equipped to foster a workplace environment that is both respectful and accountable, ensuring everyone feels valued and heard.

Foster Accountability through Leadership Development

Unconscious shaming by leaders is a hidden challenge that can significantly impact accountability within organizations. When leaders unintentionally shame or demean employees, trust is eroded, open communication is stifled, defensive behavior is encouraged, and a culture of silence prevails. However, leaders can address unconscious shaming through self-awareness, empathy, constructive feedback, the creation of a safe environment, and training on unconscious bias. By doing so, leaders can create a workplace where employees feel respected, valued, and empowered to take ownership of their actions and contribute to a culture of accountability. It’s time to develop leaders so they can identify and shift the behaviors that cause unconscious shaming and take steps to build a more accountable and respectful workplace.

Learn the secrets behind making employees truly accountable. We’ll discuss why behavior modeling isn’t enough and why cultivating followership is key. Join us as we talk about accountability and its importance in fostering alignment.

Register for FREE: 


Don’t forget to check out Dismantling Dysfunction, our podcast series for anyone who experiences dysfunction in organizations, leadership, or relationships:

Power Up Your Innate Potential Facebook Group is a private group to help you meet and mingle with other like-minded individuals that are striving to achieve their potential: